[D5:EM] Flawed Men and Flawed Hearts (Closed)

[Nathaniel Mason]

[Sanctioned and inspired by Reader]

After the Inn fire and the aftermath of the caves, Nathan sought refuge to think and rest in a nearby barn. He loved hay lofts. On the occasions when his Master had left on business, he had retreated to the loft of the estates stables. Sleeping alone in his Master's bed had not seemed right. He had spent many a night nestled snugly in piles of hay, sleeping or thinking. His penchant for hay lofts had probably led to his penchant for stableboys, truth be told.

He would not get any rest or reflection today, though. Ser Jon Roxton had tracked him down and was pacing in fury. His heavy armored boots sending dust through the boards to rain on the horses below. Even if the men guarding him had not told the Knight, he would have found him anyway. Jon knew him well enough for that.

Ser Jon had passionately vented for fifteen minutes already. Nathan head swiveled back and forth watching the man pace. One of the things Nathan loved most about Jon was his passion, but passion was a double edged sword. Ser Jon was used to commanding men. Were Nathan one of Ser Jon's men, he might be terrified and suitably chastised by his anger.

Nathan was not one of Ser Jon's men.

Patiently, he waited for the bold knight to spend his fury. He listened in silence to the Knight's tirade until it began to ebb. "
Are you quite done?"
He finally asked in a soft tone.

"
I apologize, Ser Jon. I was not aware that bravery was the sole preserve of 'Bold' Knights. I did not know one must have a title to save lives."
he said sarcastically. "
I stand corrected."


"
It must have been so terrible for you. Watching me put my life at risk for something I believe in. I know exactly how you feel. I feel the same way every time you wade into the melee ring for honour and glory. I feel the same way every time you ride into battle against barbarians and bandits, wondering if a stray arrow will take you from me."


Nathan rises and looks the Knight straight in the eye. "
I love you."
It was the first time he had said it. "
It tears me up every time you put your life at risk, but I have not said anything because that is who you are, and I would not change a single thing about who you are. It is who you are, that I love."


"
I love you enough that I will even try and change who I am for you. Is that what you really want?"


Nathan sympathized with Jon. He had taken serious risks since they arrived: tracking down the bandits alone in the dark, riding into battle against the bandits, being the bait for Ser Olyvar. The fire at the Inn was just the latest, but any one of them Ser Jon would done without hesitation.

[Reader]

[OOC: placeholder]

[Reader]

Nathaniel's mention of love did not still Ser Jon's passions - such a task was beyond most - but it did at least guide them.

"
I my heart is filled with love for you too. But it is you that I love. A man who takes another in his arm and seeks to mould them by strength of will loves not his supposed beloved, but control."


"
The Seven mean us to be as we are. We are not the Smith, hammering our fellow men and women in to shapes that better please our vanity."


"
I you were to change for me, you would not be that which I had loved. Worse still, in seeking to change you, I would become something unworthy of your love."


Ser Jon had lived a grand life of freedom - as a spare, talented son of a noble line following his own path was both easier and more rewarding for him than others, yet he seemed unaware of his privileged position.

"
I would not corral you, please do not think this of me. A flame may be tended and last years, or burn fiercely and brightly for a short while. In either case it was naught but the flame it was meant to be, and all the more beautiful for it, not matter how long it lasts."

[Nathaniel Mason]

Nathan put his arms around Jon's neck and smiled. "
If you truly believe that, then you must not berate me for who I am."


"
The life I have chosen is sometimes just as dangerous as yours. Lord Davain can invest me with as much authority as he likes. My money can shield me from the ire of some of the lesser nobility, but neither of those things change the fact I am just a boy whore from Highgarden. The fire last night may be one of the more obvious risks I have taken the last few days, but it is just one of many, and perhaps not the worst."


"
I could retire to the Arbor and live the remainder of my life fucking and getting fat. I have more than enough money to do that, but what kind of life would that be? I would be safe, or comparably safer, but what meaning would my life have? What would be the point of it? Sometimes I do take risks I shouldn't, but I will not believe last night was one of them."


Nathan lowers his arms to encircle the Knight's muscled waist. He rests his head on the man's broad chest. "
Please don't be angry with me. I don't want you to be angry with me. No man can know the future. Some day you may not return from battle. Some day I may take one risk too many. All the more reason to enjoy every moment we have together now."

[Reader]

Ser Jon's smile, one that makes men and women swoon from Dorne to the Wall, returns to his face.

"
I approve of half of your retirement plan, and it's not the getting fat part. Not changing extends to that."


A memory dances at the edge of his mind.

"
No man may know the future, but I heard queer that at Riverrun of a girl who could foretell the future. I cannot recall her name, else I'd put my next tournament winnings toward seeking her out and discovering if gout lies in my beloved's future."


"
I will confess I was angry, and I will admit that I may become angry once more. I cannot change that. But I am with you on living the lives the Seven have seen fit to grant us."


He strokes Nathaniel's hair affectionately.

"
A long, dull life is no life at all, you're right. We must seize what life gives us, no matter if a firm grasp causes us to bleed."


A bold man, the singers were right. Ser Jon's blessing and his curse...

[Nathaniel Mason]

Nathan gave Jon a broad grin. "
Let's go to the Arbor, after we have done all we can with this mess. Not to retire, but a reward to ourselves."


"
We can sleep in together in the mornings under trellises of grapes. In the afternoons I can spar with you to improve my skill in getting out of the messes I get myself into. In the evenings we can drink together with handsome men and beautiful women. When night falls we can... do other things to keep me from getting fat."
Nathan gives the Knight a lascivious smirk. "
Perhaps we might even invite some of those handsome men and beautiful women if they are very, very lucky."


"
It won't be forever, but as you say, with a life well lived, who needs forever?"

[Reader]

The idea clearly appealed to Ser Jon.

"
I have many fine friends in the Reach. And others I and my father think fine friends, but whose loyalties who benefit from being ascertained by a trained eye.

Ser Jon knew how to enjoy life, but he was not blind to the intrigues of court.

"
We can audition them, a delights after the horrors of this place."


"
I would not seek to yoke you, and confess I doubt I would be able to do so even were I so inclined. The best I can do perhaps is equip you to acquit yourself properly, although already I have seen you have natural aptitude for swordplay."


He blushes and coughs.

"
Not of that kind."


Nathaniel's final words seem to strike a chord with the young gallant.

"
Fine words for a House, should I make my own name rather than simply bring renown to my father's: Who Needs Forever. Would that I had paid more attention to the maesters and less to the master-of-arms, I could translate it to High Valaryian to enchant you."


Jon sighs in mock sorrow.

Fine words for a house indeed, or perhaps simply an epitaph...

[Nathaniel Mason]

"
Then we shall audition your Father's friends in any manner you deem appropriate."
Nathan replies with an even broader smirk. "
And pass some time fencing with whatever weapons you see fit."
They young man had never seen the Knight blush before, and the opportunity was too good to pass up.

"
If you think you need High Valaryian to enchant me or anyone else, then you are clearly blind to the numerous gifts the Seven have given you."
He kisses Jon softly. "
And I am not just talking about how handsome you are or what a beautiful body you have. Both those things are true, but trust me, they are not unique, and it takes much more than that to maintain my interest for more than a night or two."


"
As far as renown, you are 'Bold' Ser Jon Roxton. I'll wager most know your name more than they know that of your Father. If you would wish more, then we shall get it for you. You would not be the first Knight to be granted lands in his own right, and not the first cadet House to be made, or earn a name in their own right. Most heirs squabble and plot against each other like House Lucas, but there is another path. A man may earn a House from his deeds of bravery, honour and glory. Having a House of your own is not impossible."


"
So what do you wish, Jon? There is no shame in being the fourth son to a noble House and bringing glory to that House. There is also nothing wrong with a man wanting rewards on his own merits. Tell me what you desire and I shall do what I can to help."
Nathan gives the Knight a huge grin. "
Fulfilling desires is my stock and trade, after all."

[Reader]

"
But is that true Nathaniel? There are many things I want, many things I could take, but I stay my hand though all may call me "
Bold"
."


"
Truth be told, men's opinions now matter little to me. I am content to be as I am. Yet I will admit vanity makes me care more for posterity, and what will be said of me after I am gone. While I live, Orphan-maker is ever ready to defend my honour from those who question my lifestyle or honour."


He sucks air through his teeth.

"
As a said, a vanity, and perhaps a contradiction, to care more for what men may think of me after I am gone than while I live."

[Nathaniel Mason]

It was times like this that Nathan realized how different they were. He took Ser Jon by the hand and sat beside him on the hay looking out the barn door onto the milling people and the remains of the Inn.

"
Every man wants to leave a legacy, Jon. To know that their life had purpose. To leave a mark etched upon the world that will be remembered. It is the desire for immortality by mortals."


"
Some men build great buildings to survive them. Their reputations carved from stone. Bran the builder is long dead, but we still know him because of his Wall."


"
Some men do great deeds and die gloriously in battle. The bards sing of stories of these men generation after generation. However it is not the legacy it seems, since every great hero must share his immortality with a great villain."


"
Some men live on through their sons. A terrible burden to place on anyone. Most never live up to a Father's expectations, or worse, eclipse their Father."


"
Some men live on in the organizations they have been a part of. Great Maesters of the Citadel who leave a lifetime of research and knowledge behind them. Mighty Kingsguard who have protected their King and led armies in their name."


"
My legacy is out there."
He gestures. "
People live today that would not, were it not for me. People have hope today because of the things I have done that they would not, if it were not for me. Most do not realize that their lives are better because of my actions, and the few that do, do not know my name and would not remember it for long even if they did. I am okay with that. Considering you defeat villains honourably in battle and I defeat villains by stabbing them in the back, it is probably better that way."


"
If it is Glory you want, I will help you with that. If you want men to whisper your name with reverence for centuries to come, I will help you with that too."
Nathan laced his fingers with Jon's and rested his head on the Knight's shoulder. "
You will forgive me if I draw the line at helping you die gloriously, although if that is the legacy the Seven have in store for you, I doubt I will be in a position to prevent it."

[Reader]

Ser Jon moved to kiss Nathaniel, but for once lacking passion. The young knight's brain was racing. He hand remains tight on Nathaniel's, not letting go.

"
I am glad you do not think we foolish for chasing fame. 'Reverence for centuries to come' has a fine sound to it. It is easier to defend my reputation here and now while Orphan-maker is at my side and I have the strength to wield my family's blade."


"
See to it that I am remember well wherever and whenever I am not there to do so. A glorious death can wait for a few decades of glorious deeds I hope."


A bold smile returns to his face as he move from holding hands with Nathaniel to embracing his lover.

"
I'll not wait for a better kiss however."


Another kiss, Jon's passion returning as he casts off his burden.

[/scene and fade to black after any parting from Nathaniel]

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