Re: [Day 7: Late Afternoon] Taking in the country air (Close

[Dyana Marsten]

[url=Awareness (Empathy)][/url]: 4d6k3 14 - trying to see the truth in Jon's words.

Dyana's stare wavers as Jon answers, and she looks to the side, retreating. She closes her eyes, sighs, shakes her head... turns to him, opens her eyes again, looking directly into his once more.

"
I am not trying to scare you, Jon. How foolish, how childish that would be. But if my words come across as harsh or intimidating, then I advise you to mark then, for I am one to speak my mind."
Her semblance takes on a pained guise. "
You choose your words well, and what you have to say of me is flattering, it's true. At first I took our exchanges for a kinship, a camaraderie, but with each passing day I could notice your interest in me was of another nature entirely. I suspected you wanted me, Jon. Perhaps on a base desire, though I think you too corteous to pursue a woman of noble birth out of such fancies alone. Surely, there are other ways to regale one so.

"
But no matter how much I imagined you had a curiosity for me, how could I ever expect you coming to me with promises of love, Jon?"
She has the same look of disbelief as before, though it is milder now. "
I value honesty above nearly all else, and it is hard for me to see honesty in that. I thought you'd fallen for my aunt, really! Everyone does. And then again, here we are."
Dyana gestures idly towards him, then shakes her head, unsure of how to lead this situation on.

"
The mummers sing of love and men and women yearn for it, but none knows what love is until, like a spear thrown from the dark, it strikes. But I know love, Jon, for my heart has a spear wound. And there is one thing I must say to you. You'll have to forgive my forthrightness, but not to wound you now would be to force upon you a wound much greater later on.

"
I will never love you."

[Jon Cobb]

Awareness (Empathy): 4d6k3 14 - trying to see the truth in Jon's words.

OOC: Jon is certainly telling the truth about how he feels and what he wants. If anything, he seems a bit surprised by the forcefulness of his emotions.

"
I will never love you."

For what seems like an age, Jon is silent, his expression unreadable. His gaze is as steady as ever, but now it is guarded, even withdrawn. When he answers, there is a new tiredness in his voice. "
I see. I...I thank you for your honesty, Dyana, even if what you have to say is the last thing I want to hear."


"
And since you worry still about my honesty, I shall do my best to allay your fears, even though you may think less of me for it when I am finished. I do not deny that at first I was motivated by base desire, as you put it, and you would not have been the first lady of noble birth that I have pursued on those grounds alone. But I was not lying to you, that night at the dance, when I said that nowadays I only pursue women who can hold my interest, and each time we met, my interest in you grew, for all the reasons I have laid before you today. Even so, it wasn't until today that I was sure that what I feel for you is something more than just respect and admiration."


"
My feelings for your aunt Isobel are...different...than what I feel for you. I respect and admire her, for many of the same reasons I respect and admire you - her strength of will, her intelligence and kindness, and yes, her beauty too. Perhaps I was falling for her, but if ever there was a spark of something that might become love for her in me, it was put out when I met you. I still wish to see Isobel happy and fulfilled, but I am no longer sure that I am the man for it."


"
I will not ask who holds your heart, because that is your own affair, but I hope that he makes you very happy. So, I suppose that leaves just one question to be answered - where do we go from here?"

[Dyana Marsten]

Dyana's expression as she looks at Jon is pained, and it is not hard to see she regretted having to say what she had.

"
No one holds my heart, Jon."
She says to her own surprise. Perhaps a part of her felt like she owed the Wrecker this bit of truth for the harshness of her words, but whatever the reason, it was spilt. "
I am no man's woman;
rather, I am my own. Not out of choice, I must say, but that is simply how it is. But I know, Jon,"
and here she sighs and looks down for a second before meeting his gaze again - "
I know, in my heart, that I will not feel for you what you claim to feel for me. Even if I kept your company, if I gave you my hand and warmed your bed, and even as the years passed... If you were good to me, I'd grow to cherish you. I'd become affectionate, and I could even learn to love you. In a way. But, it's not the same thing."
Her head is shaking gloomily.

"
How long have we known each other? Three days? And a half? And yet you claim the feelings I spurred in you put out any sparks of what you could be feeling for others, and you say my fire draws you to me, and that you would share your life with me, that I would be the one to make you whole. You told me a tale of how deep you can love, Jon, and not a mug of ale later you confess your love for me. And if this is no infatuation mistaken for true love, no desire exaggerated and no passion extrapolated, I... I can't. I don't feel the same way. I never will, for if I would, it'd be already here. In my heart."
She says, gesturing towards her chest, not far from where his brooch had been the other day.

"
So you ask me, where do we go from here, and I don't know. Where were we going until now?"

[Jon Cobb]

"
So you ask me, where do we go from here, and I don't know. Where were we going until now?"

"
Wherever we were going, Dyana, it obviously wasn't to the same place,"
Jon replies in a quiet but composed voice. "
Your heart is yours to give or hold, and I do not fault you for holding it tightly. I know how hard love can hurt, but I have also learned that clinging to the memory of a lost love only keeps the wound of it from healing. For a long time I convinced myself that I could never love anyone as much as I loved Johanna, and because of that I didn't. My love for Johanna became a cage and a blindfold, when it should have been a cherished memory that gave me joy and the strength to move on."


"
I have learned something else too, in the years since Lys. I've seen that love can begin in many different ways, but no love that lasts burns as brightly as it did in the first heady days of passion. The love that lasts deepens with time and becomes what you yourself said - two people who cherish each other, who are friends as well as lovers, and who stand by each other in thick and thin. If I had been able to stay with Johanna, then I hope that this is what we would have become, because if our feelings had remained as they were when we parted, then our love would have burnt itself out all too soon."


"
When I spoke of my feelings for you, I didn't expect you to feel as strongly as I do, and to earn your affection in due course would have been enough for me - it would have been a love as true as any the mummers sing of, I am sure. But if you see love in a different light, then it would not have been true for you. Even if I could have convinced you to try, you would forever be yearning for something better, and in the end you would grow to hate me. Perhaps I would grow to hate you as well, and that is an unbearable thought."


"
Where do we go next? Well, I'm open to suggestions,"
Jon sighs.

[Dyana Marsten]

Dyana blinks and looks down for a span. She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, rises her head high once more and looks at Jon. She seems gentler now, again, and instead of demanding questions or embarassed shrugs, she offers a warm, reassuring smile once more. "
If what you say is true, Jon... then perhaps you have been too hasty. As I said, I knew you were, well, courting me, in a way. But I wasn't prepared for your candid, strong feelings yet.

"
Which does not mean I won't. I have tried to be as straightforward with you as I could be, and if even after that you are still willing to go somewhere with me, I think... I think we might need some time."
Dyana leans forward as she'd done when her hand rested on Jon's. "
I must consider your words more carefully than I have here, and I believe you, having said your piece, may need to think this through as well. Not that I doubt you anymore, but only you can know if your feelings are as true and lasting as you put them to be. If they are not, Jon, then you will not be as hurt as you think by my curt refusal here, and you'll soon realize the folly of all this. But if they are, Jon. If they are, then you and I both will have more to say after we put our thoughts in order.

"
I don't know if this is acceptable to you,"
she says with a shrug and a soft smirk, "
but it is my suggestion, for now."

[Jon Cobb]

Listening to Dyana speak, Jon's usual boyish smile slowly returns. "
I'll take that as a maybe, then,"
he quips, his manner decidedly more light-hearted than it was moments ago. "
Very well, if space and time are what you desire, then that is the least I can do. You have my word that I shall not impose on you again, until you seek out my company of your own accord. I shall think on your words and on my feelings, and if all this was a mere folly, then it was a fine one, and I do not regret it - it was time well spent,"
he says with a wink.

"
I do have one more question before we return to Riverrun, Dyana, and I hope you will answer me truthfully again."
Jon says, then pauses to collect his thoughts before continuing. "
Just before I came to your tent today, I had a meeting with Lord Tullison - Ser Benedict and Ser Baelon were also there. Dunstan informed us that he wishes to establish a banner house, and that he hoped that Baelon or I would be willing to head it. I do not know if Baelon is seriously considering it or not, but it is certainly an opportunity for me to become more than a houseless sellsword again. It would also make me a neighbor of House Marsten."
Jon pauses again, scratching his beard as he searches for the right way to phrase his question. "
Would that please you, Dyana, or would it bring me closer than you wish me to be?"

[Dyana Marsten]

Dyana's own smile grows more relaxed as Jon reasserts his self-confidence, and she nods at his offer of space and time, grateful for the opportunity.

At his question, she raises an eyebrow, cocks her head to the side ever so slightly. "
If it would please me... I... what sort of question is that, Jon?"
She chuckles at him. "
You can live anywhere in the Seven Kingdoms that you wish to! You're a welcome guest to my neighbourhood at any time, too. You make it sound like I have something against you, now!"
She shakes her head, still speaking playfully. "
If you think this of every woman who isn't readily willing to marry you, Jon, then you might as well run back to Essos! You silly fool."

[Jon Cobb]

Scratching his head, Jon throws an embarrassed smile Dyana's way. "
Well, you know, I just promised you space and time, and I was afraid that if I suddenly turned up as a permanent neighbor of House Marsten you might feel that I was trying to, I don't know, put some sort of pressure on you. I mean, Dunstan's offer is a good one, but it's not as important to me now as doing what I can to remain in your good graces,"
Jon answers with a helpless little shrug. "
The simple truth is that, until today, I've always been the one to run at the first hint of marriage. Being on the opposite side of the fence is...confusing,"
Jon admits.

[Dyana Marsten]

Dyana has a semblance of amused disbelief as she shakes her head. "
It's not like you're moving to Hartsbridge, and I have to see your dreadful face every time I want to check on Old Rhaemon or deliver an order to Gorton."
She's nearly chuckling again. "
If I need to evade you, Jon, I'm sure I'll be able to, but I don't see the need for any such foolishness. Wherever life takes us, I trust we're both reasonable enough to coexist, are we not? And whatever happens, know I have nothing but fondness in my heart for you. You've treated me well since the moment we first met, and though, granted, that wasn't long ago, I have every reason to believe you won't turn into a sullen monster in a heartbeat."


She eyes the remains of their small feast, then shrugs to herself. "
I've discarded a good number of proposals in my life. You'd think not so many men come after me, with my reputation and all... and though, sure, Gwyn and Corrine have always been much more sought-after... uh, I still had to dispose of some disgusting advances."
She giggles, though it's a short mirth, for her face shows revulsion at some odd memory.

[Jon Cobb]

"
Dreadful, is it? Well, at least now I know I'll have a use for the old bear mask any time I come near Marsten lands. And I shall endeavor to keep my advances from ever becoming disgusting. I have a feeling that might be detrimental to my health,"
he replies with a relieved grin.

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