Re: [D6:MM]The Storm before the Calm before the Storm (close

by **Benedict Marsten** Wed Dec 16, 2015 11:35 pm

Ben calmly takes a drink of water and sets his glass down. His voice level and flat he address Baelon. "
If you have suggestions then give them and be done with accusations and grievances. It appears working out our personal differences is unlikely, but that does not mean we can not coordinate for the sake of the realm and our houses."

by **Baelon Drakeson** Thu Dec 17, 2015 12:15 am

"
No!"
His tone and volume drops from the previous aggravated elevated to match Ben's. "
No, my grievances will be heard, and so will yours. I stayed silent when you walked away from my offer of support, Ben, but I will be silent no longer. Too much has festered between our houses, and now the only way to heal it is cut out the infected mess. It's not pleasant, but it's the only way to salvage any of the goodwill we once had."

by **Gwyneth Drakeson** Thu Dec 17, 2015 2:57 am

Gwyn clears her throat and says, "
I agree with him on this. We're here alone, so we can address this not just as lords and ladies, but as friends and relatives. That is what we are, and I'd like us to remain that way."

She nods at Corrine. "
This is the time to air our hearts out, without needing to worry about decorum. For example, I know Baelon has never wanted anything other than for you to succeed...but I also know that he doesn't always hear himself through the ears of those around him. Especially when the pressure is as high as it's been here. I think in some measure the same is true of you, Corrine. And rather than plaster pretty smiles on ugly words, and try to pretend it never happened...lets confront this here and now, and walk away with clearer mutual understandings."

"
Don't be afraid Ben. I believe the truth will bring us together, not drive us apart."

by **Benedict Marsten** Thu Dec 17, 2015 3:19 am

Ben breathes out. His eyes close for a brief second. In that quick pause he hears Daveth's voice.

Daveth Coldbrook wrote:And something you need to be absolutely clear on is that when you're a lord, there is no singular 'you' in public. You *are* the house. Being a lord is a much bigger change from being - if you'll excuse me - a mere knight than simply having a larger armed force reporting to you. Actions done to you are done to your house, and actions done by you are done by your house. Everything you do has a *much* bigger weight and inertia than what you're used to. For every action, expect three unintended reactions. At least. For this reason, you *cannot* afford to lack restraint. You must, for every public action you do, carefully weigh up everything you know, make reasoned predictions as to what *all* the consequences will be, and only then act.

"
What I want from you, Ser Benedict, isn't an apology. It's a promise. That you won't take the easy way out and leave this to the women. By all means, have them lead the way, but try to do your own thinking, compare it to your lady wife's when you can, try to work out her reasoning. Discover the things you missed, so you don't miss them the next time. It will be hard, frustrating work. You'll feel stupid. Then you'll start asking for Lady Isobel's thoughts, and *really* feel stupid. But you'll only *be* stupid if you give up."

His demeanor remains dispassionate and tone neutral. "
Then lay bare your wounds from House Marsten. We will atone for what we may, apologise for what we can, and pray for that which we can do neither."

Afraid? The only thing in this tent I fear is letting petty things like this get to me again.

by **Lady Corrine Marsten** Thu Dec 17, 2015 3:45 pm

"
I strongly suggest you retract your accusation that we are responsible for those deaths, Baelon, or it shall come to steel against us both,"
Corrine retorted, her fists clenched. "
You cannot just throw such words around, and I will not have you smear us or our House with such lies."

by **Gwyneth Drakeson** Thu Dec 17, 2015 3:55 pm

Gwyn looks at Corrine in surprised alarm, then at Baelon.

"
He didn't mean it that way,"
she tries to sooth.

by **Baelon Drakeson** Thu Dec 17, 2015 4:48 pm

"
Oh calm down Corrine. There is no need to resort to violence - if that is your only means of defending yourself from accusations you only make yourself look guiltier - and sooner or later it will send Ben into a fight he cannot win. Honor that can only be defended by swords is no honor at all. Did I resort to violence when you insulted me by treating me the same as a mass murderer? No, I tried to argue against it with words. Not that it got me anywhere."

He sighs.

"
Beyond that, Gwyn is correct. I did not say those deaths were by your hands - but your insufficient handling of Ser Theomore allowed them to happen;
you could have prevented them but you did not. Theomore was accused of arranging for the mass slaughter of innocent villagers, would a few witnesses be any less likely to meet their end by his will? No. A half-dozen guards on him was not nearly enough. He should have been in irons, along with his known associates, particularly those of less savory reputation. Like the man that was all but drooling over Lady Yve at the Tullison breakfast. I entrusted the matter to you, thinking that you would afterward ask who our informants were and protect them. Instead, you washed your hands of the affair with nary a thought for the consequences. That makes you look weak and irresponsible. That's not the first time, either: the clan survivors, your lukewarm reaction to Athelstan's accusations after his trial, your too-warm reception of him here, your overreaction to his suicide. Hells, I'm surprised I haven't heard rumors of the two of you being lovers, or that Bethany is his and not Ben's."

He shakes his head.

"
I think you are trying to make everyone happy, trying to be everybody's friend - well, the world doesn't work that way. If you are too forgiving forgiving of those who wrong you - truly wrong you, not speak truths that you don't want to hear - then you just invite your enemies to wrong you more."

by **Benedict Marsten** Thu Dec 17, 2015 5:14 pm

"
Thank you for bringing your observations of our faults to to our attention. Now I would assume you wish to tell us how you would have us right the ones it is not to late to right. Now I will ask you to leave my daughter out of any more of your speculations."
His voice remains flat. The only movement a side ways head shake to Corrine.

by **Baelon Drakeson** Thu Dec 17, 2015 5:36 pm

"
It is not my speculations you should be worried about. I said that I was surprised that I had not heard such rumors, not that I would believe them."

He shakes his head, scowling.

"
I don't know if it is possible to right them. The damage has been done, and cannot be undone. The best you can hope for is to mitigate it, and to not make bad situations worse. Start by listening to what others actually say rather than how they say it. Hard truths benefit you more than honeyed lies. Anyone who says otherwise is just appealing to your pride and vanity. Most important, trust and do right by your friends, lest you find yourselves without any.

by **Gwyneth Drakeson** Thu Dec 17, 2015 5:43 pm

"
Listen,"
Gwyn said, both to the Marstens and to Baelon, "
No one's disputing that you and Ben are trying to do the right thing, and there's nothing wrong with that. In the matter of Theomore, I do not hold you to blame. He's very experienced at avoiding suspicion, even when called out. Until coming here, even I would have doubted he'd be doing some of these things. Not because I would have thought it beyond him, but because I wouldn't have understood his motive. It wasn't until we realized the significance of his contacts with the innkeeper, and the Tullys, that things started coming together. You didn't have the benefits of those little revelations, those step-by-step realizations that connected things. And we didn't have the time, or the opportunity, to explain things in enough detail."

"
So you took what action you could, what you could justify. We can't blame you for that, nor for the consequences. We -are- your friends here, even if wounded pride can lead to harsh words."

by **Lady Corrine Marsten** Thu Dec 17, 2015 5:44 pm

"
Then do the same for us, Baelon! Instead of having a tantrum, you should have trusted that I was doing what I believe is right. The tribunal was appointed to clear your name, to dispel accusations of favouritism! Ben and I are trying our very best to be as fair and impartial as possible, and you should have respected that, instead of trying to manipulate us!"

by **Lady Corrine Marsten** Thu Dec 17, 2015 5:54 pm

"
Gwyn, as much as I dislike Ser Theomore and find him suspicious, what we have seen is him making Black overtures to the Brackens. I appointed others to discern the truth for good reason. I did not treat anyone like a mass-murderer, as your husband so hyperbolically puts it. You are doing a lot of speaking for Baelon that he is contradicting. Which of you truly speaks for him?"

by **Gwyneth Drakeson** Thu Dec 17, 2015 5:57 pm

"
What you have seen,"
Gwyn repeats, nodding. "
Exactly. There's a difference between what you have seen, and what we have seen. That was what Baelon was trying to get across."

She smiles a little. "
It's just that he tries to get that across with sheer impassioned speech which lends itself to hyperbole. The answer is that he isn't contradicting me...nor I him. I'm trying to give a little more context to the things he's saying, so his motives become more clear."

by **Lady Corrine Marsten** Thu Dec 17, 2015 6:01 pm

"
Just because you have seen something different does not make us wrong. It makes the matter more complex, and necessitates further investigation. I have instigated further investigation, so I ask that Baelon backs off about it. His brand of vigilante justice is, as I have seen myself, completely ineffective. He is culpable for plenty of death here himself."

by **Gwyneth Drakeson** Thu Dec 17, 2015 6:03 pm

"
You're angry,"
Gwyn said, putting on her soothing tones again. "
You, and Ben, and Baelon have done nothing but try to save lives here. None of you are 'culpable' for any of the deaths. Lets put that to rest right now, all right? As long as we keep lobbing that to and fro, we'll never get anywhere."

by **Lady Corrine Marsten** Thu Dec 17, 2015 6:05 pm

"
I'll agree to that if he does,"
Corrine replies, her arms folded.

by **Gwyneth Drakeson** Thu Dec 17, 2015 6:14 pm

"
And,"
Gwyn said quickly, looking at Baelon. "
Just to keep things honest, lets agree that failing to save lives is not the same as causing deaths. We tried, earnestly, using all the facts and tools at our disposal, to save lives. That we didn't manage to save all of them doesn't make us complicit in their deaths. The bloody hands are the ones that bore the weapons, and planned the attacks. Lets focus on how to do better, all right?"

Though open for any at the table, it was clear that she especially was trying to get Baelon's buy-in at this point. Trying to find a position where he could acknowledge that the Marstens had not 'caused' deaths, without surrendering his position that they could have done more, and better, to protect lives.

by **Benedict Marsten** Thu Dec 17, 2015 6:20 pm

So, we have botched Ser Theomore's arrest and cost many lives. To late to fix. I will pray for those lost. I walked away from you after you took me far from prying ears and eyes and began to use some of those same honeyed words. I offended you by walking away. You have my apology for offending your pride. We are quick to the blade to defend our honor. As you can see currently it is something I am trying to remedy. Our lives were handed to us. Half of her family had to die for Corrine to receive her title, not quite a silver platter. Yes I guess what I have has been handed over i did not grasp. But such is life I can not apologize for that. We wrongfully accepted in people I share blood with. Accepted the bent knee of those we conquered, much like a Valyrian king I know of. I will strive to see that my choice doesn't further make us look weak. We need to stop trying to make everyone happy, but treat our friends with trust and do right by our firends. Have I missed anything?"

Ben straightens his back idly, his eyes raised questioningly.

by **Lady Corrine Marsten** Thu Dec 17, 2015 6:29 pm

Corrine's head lowered at the mention of her family, as a familiar, aching pain grasped her heart.

by **Baelon Drakeson** Thu Dec 17, 2015 7:09 pm

Baelon sighs, running his hand through his silver hair in exasperation.
"
What I meant when I said you were treating me like a mass murderer is that you deemed the same procedure fit for both my case, which involved naught but a suicide, and Theomore's, which involved mass murder. I wasn't being hyperbolic, I was describing the situation."

"
Ben, the problem is with honeyed lies not honeyed words. Or should I have tried to berate you into affirming friendship? That seems less than effective. I took you away from prying eyes and ears because I knew that my friendship could, politically, be problematic. I didn't want you to feel like you had to act political in that conversation."

"
Corrine, Gwyn is not speaking for me, she is restating them in ways that are less... emotionally charged, and less open to... misinterpretation. Gwyn is correct that when I am agitated I do not think through how I am saying things. One of my many flaws, to be sure. Gwyn and I have discussed these matters extensively, and she knows what I am trying to say, better than I have been saying it."

"
No, I am not saying you are culpable. The blood is on Theomore's hands, not yours. But if you had trusted in us more, at least asked for our sources and followed up on them rather than launching a whole new inquiry, then some now dead might still be living."

[OOC: mega catchup post, and now that my car is running again, it's time for me to get driving.]

by **Gwyneth Drakeson** Thu Dec 17, 2015 7:31 pm

"
Maybe a good approach for this."
Gwyn said, scooting over a little closer to Baelon's side, "
is to ask...what can we do to earn your trust more? Or was it not so much a matter of trust, as a matter of politics? Going after Theomore is not something to be done lightly, I am aware. What should we have done differently?"

by **Lady Corrine Marsten** Thu Dec 17, 2015 8:29 pm

"
There are many who may still be living, had some person or other done things differently. It does little to debate it. Athelstan's suicide was under duress, so I felt investigative rigour was needed, especially since it had far-reaching consequences that are not as simple as that single, final act. Rumours about me regarding him concern me not. I have heard them before, and to treat them with any seriousness gives those spreading them far too much credit and undeserved attention. I will not apologise for being upset by his death, nor will I accept it being called an overreaction. I acted in self-defence, but it affected me deeply to have wounded another human. It may be nothing to a knight to kill a man, but for me, it was disturbing. I may not have loved or had a relationship with Athelstan, but I did bear some small affection towards him, as someone who treated me as an individual, rather than a title, a prize to be won. Not many people treat me like a full human being, and in a way he was a friend, so to lose such a person, especially with the possibility of having been betrayed, was hurtful. I don't expect you to understand that loss, but if you are half the friend you claim to be, I will expect you to respect my experience and feelings as valid. You have no idea how hard things have been for me, both in trying to make this investigation do some good, and just in my life in general. If you'd bothered to just speak to me as an individual in all the years you've known me, you might have a clue what I have been through. What I'm still going through."

She took a deep breath, though she was shaking a little.

"
You think I've been handed everything I have easily, while you have fought for everything, but that is not true. You don't seem to realise how easy you have it. Most bastards are regarded with contempt. You were given a home, training, and a knighthood. I'm not saying you didn't put work in for your knighthood, but I doubt you would have been so well-treated if your father was not a Prince, or if you were not a man. You were offered a House of your own. You have been valued in your own right, and got to just shed me like an old cloak. You did not leave with my blessing. You left with the semblance of a blessing, because I had no choice and did not want to hurt my cousins by making a fuss and curbing their happiness. But it has cut me deeply to lose those I thought would stay by my side. I felt abandoned. My mother treated you with more affection and respect than she treated me, her own child. You have so many people supporting you that I do not. Your half-sisters adore you, and your father approves of you. My father and brothers are dead &
silent. To be where I am now, I lost two of the people I loved most in the world, who had done nothing wrong. My brother Willem was just a boy. I watched him and my father waste away to nothing in the space of a few months. Watching the man I most admired and idolised, who loved me even though I had little political value, the symbol of strength and benevolence and honour in my life, just fade away in pain was so unutterably horrible. Not a day goes by where I don't miss him. The hole in my life left by those deaths will never be filled. Think on that while you get to train with your father, or carry your sisters' favours, knowing you'll get to see them again. When I look at Benjicot Blackwood, sat in that throne that dwarfs him, I know his position, and it breaks my heart."

She felt her heart ache even more, voicing her deepest feelings. She felt intensely vulnerable, but she also felt she had to say what was in her heart. Baelon would never understand if she didn't say it, and all of it. It wasn't just about the scuffles over the investigation.

"
There is so much you don't understand, and it's frustrating. You haven't had to put up with men treating you like an object, and speaking of you like you don't matter. You pretended to care about me to gain my hand. You didn't want me, you wanted a title. When I said I didn't want to marry you, you were all hand-holding and "
oh, my sweet Corrine"
. But I was just a means to an end, and you didn't want to lose the game. I could have been anyone. The most awful thing about that is that you were not the only one who would have done that. I was a commodity to almost everyone, even my mother."

Her eyes were welling up and her voice was crackling with raw emotion, but she continued;

"
You have no idea how lucky you are to be a man, Baelon. You will never be called disgusting words and be demeaned for your sexuality or gender. You have not been criticised for having a daughter, rather than a son, though one day, you may see it happen to your wife. I look at my daughter and I know the horrible truth that men like you will treat her the same as I've been treated when she grows up. I have discovered first hand how much society abhors women, and I fear for her. I don't think you understand how hurtful it is to have yourself and your child treated as second class citizens, just by not being male. I doubt I'd be criticised and berated so much in this investigation if I were a man."

Her shoulders sank, her outpouring draining her.

"
If you think that losing the people I love, being under constant criticism just for being myself, having my mother and all of society treat me as a disappointment, and having to fight twice as hard to be respected half as much as being handed a great life on a silver platter, then you understand nothing."

She had to stop, choking back tears, her face flushed with effort, trying so hard not to break down.

by **Benedict Marsten** Thu Dec 17, 2015 9:07 pm

Ben lowered his head as Corrine began to express her inner thoughts and fears. He knew them well and was one of very few who did.

When her words were finished his eyes cut first to Baelon boring out from below his lids. Then they softened as the regarded Corrine.

by **Baelon Drakeson** Fri Dec 18, 2015 4:59 am

"
I never meant that your life was easy an easy one or that you did not suffer;
only that your position came to you with you needing to do little more than declare that you wanted it. I only sought your hand because you mother convinced me to. Yes, it would have been a big step up for me, but I also thought that unlike the other suitors your mother was throwing at you that I would treat you with respect. I had no illusions that you loved me, but how often do people get to marry for love? That we all did is extraordinary. I did not expect to be he husband of your dreams, nor you the wife of mine. When Ben appeared on the scene, and seemed like a man who could genuinely make you happy, I backed off. No matter what your mother may have thought..."

He stops.

"
You are not the only who had a difficult life. You may not be respected by your mother, but at least you know her. All I know of my mother was that she was beautiful, and that she supposedly died within days or hours of my birth. Even that may not be true. I don't even know if she loved my father, or if he..."

He stops again.

"
You lost your father, but I hardly knew mine. I still don't. He was always distant, enigmatic. I would see him, occasionally, across a courtyard or out a window - but I never really knew if he was really my father or not. It was all just rumor... a rumor that everyone around me seemed to believe, but was never confirmed. You think I had much handed to me for being a princes' son? You are wrong. On Bloodstone no one really knew what to do with me. A maester gave me some lessons, and I was given basic training on how to fight. Other than that, I was mostly left alone so long as I didn't go where I wasn't welcome - like anywhere near the Prince. The fist time I can remember so much as feeling his touch was when I was nine, and he put me on Caraxes and we flew to... some other island, I never did figure out which. Then I was put on a ship and sent to Dragonstone... on Dragonstone I was just another bastard. A dragonseed. They are common there, and get no significant special attention. I was squired, aye, but not to some lord or renowned knight. To the captain of the guard. A good enough man, but I was little more than a duty to him. If it had not been for my sisters, I probably would have lived and died in obscurity, little more than a knight of the guard there. It was the two of them that convinced me I could be more - but to seek it I had to leave them behind. I hope to see them again some day, but I am not the Princess's favorite person - I doubt I would be welcomed back to Dragonstone with open arms."

"
No, I have never been despised for not having been born a man - I was despised for being born at all. Just this past year a Royce came to our lands and called my existence an insult to his dead kinswoman, the Prince's first wife. What did I do to deserve that? Have you ever been told that you were born of lies and lust, and that your very nature is sin and corruption? You think I was spared the trials and tribulations of being a bastard? Then you know nothing of my life. I had no real home, never felt welcome anywhere until Hartshorn. You think I 'shed you like an old cloak'? Leaving House Marsten was hardest decision I have ever made. Even leaving Dragonstone and my sisters was not as hard."

by **Lady Corrine Marsten** Fri Dec 18, 2015 5:36 am

"
It's not a misery competition, Baelon. I'm not under any illusion that I am alone in suffering, and unlike most nobility, I acknowledge that I have far more than those I rely on, the smallfolk. I am trying to get you to engage whatever empathy you may have and try to understand. I didn't "
just say I wanted my position"
. I had to take it because there was no-one else. It's the same with the investigation. I never wanted to rule. I still don't. But I have to, or my family has nothing, and all my father's work would be pointless. If it was hard for you to leave Hartshorn, you never showed it. You didn't even come to me to say goodbye. The one time you two visited, you were so busy falling over yourself to get cosy with Ben's parents that I frankly felt like Ben and I were in the way. I doubt you'd have been so eager to know them if they weren't useful to you. You are more like your Targaryen family than anything else. All they care about is being in charge. Well, if being in charge means so much to you, then just say, and I'll go home and let you run this fucking shambles of an operation. I doubt you'll do any better, but you'll likely get more credit than I would for the same job. I'm beyond fed up with how much shit I'vd had to wade through this week. I try to do some good and get only grief for it. I should just leave you all to kill eachother."

The tears were flowing now, and she wiped her eyes hastily, angry at herself for crying.

"
If you actually wanted to be supportive, then you should have kept your stupid mouth shut, and spoken to me in private. You should have listened when I told you to back off from Athelstan. If you wanted us to be friendly, you should have been a friend."

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[D6:MM]The Storm before the Calm before the Storm (closed)